This time of year is one of the most important, potentially deadly toward marriages. After 7 years of successful marriage bliss, I am going to give you the tips to surviving Christmas. No, it isn’t complementing her mothers fruitcake or tolerating her crazy aunt who sends you gifts you never would buy from QVC.
It’s surviving the Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie. It’s not just any particular movie, just the obligatory Hallmark Channel movie, because they are all the same. Yup, it’s the same plots every time with stars making you say, “Hey, they look familiar,” but you really don’t remember from where because their A list status 20 years ago has fallen to a high C, low D status now. The movies last always 2 hours long and about 90 minutes into the movie there is the twist that changes everything. In the end everything turns out all right and it snows.
We are being forced to watch this stuff as part of our punishment for making them watch football during Thanksgiving. So to help you survive said torture, I am going to give you the entertaining bingo cards to play when you are forced to watch said movies. Just take these lists and randomly fill out a blank bingo card and pass it out to the guys to play along with you at the Christmas parties this year.
We play blackout rules and if no one gets them all covered in the first movie, you are forced to watch another movie until someone wins. First one to win gets the comfy chair the rest of the night and gets delivered his drinks for the rest of the night.
Column #1 Characters: (Choose 5)
Rich handsome boyfriend
Candace Cameron Bure
Women who bakes cookies
Janitor who is secretly Santa
Common looking guy who fixes things around the neighborhood
Geeky looking male assistant
Snooty rich girl
Mariah Carey (shot with the EXTREMELY SOFT LIGHT!!!!)
Poor college kid
Lacey Chabert (and none for Gretchen Weiners)
Column 2 : Situation (Pick 1 : cover the entire line)
Kid wants to believe in Santa
Angel who has to do something to get their wings
Main Character moving home because of divorce / lost job
Kid who wants something for his parent
Crabby character who wants to work through Christmas
Doesn’t believe in Christmas
Column 3 : Places (Choose 5)
New York City
Fictional town in New Hampshire
Big City – not NY
City that looks like Vancouver (Actually this is the Free Space since they are pretty much all shot in Canada)
Small town that character swore they would never return to.
Christmas Tree lot
Schools / Church Christmas Program
Their ex-husbands home town
Column 4: Competition / Twist (Choose 5)
Snooty rich competitor returns to get her character’s love
Sabotage of any type
Confusion / Miscommunication
Job offer that takes one of the pair away
Adversity at Christmas
Lying about who you are
Prince(ess) being a commoner
Commoner being royalty
Column 5: Resolution (Doesn’t really matter they all happen but choose 5)
Angel gets his/her wings
Guy gets girl
Girl gets guy
Santa grants wish
Character gets promotion
They lived happily ever after
So enjoy the Hallmark Christmas channel guys and just remember to pack a very large flask as when the women in your life start to fall in love with the characters, you will know that you could be a Mariah Carey entrance from Bingo.